Most of term one has now elapsed, and Easter is just around the corner. It's surprising to think about. This morning in the shops, I had a moment where I saw some Easter eggs for sale and thought: "I was buying these just the other day - they must be really discounted now, it's ages since Easter!" It took my actually looking at the full price to realise that these eggs were for Easter next weekend. Face palm. 
It's been a busy term, full of music and song and moments where I've realised I've got too much on for my own good. Holly has adapted well to both of us working. We still have time to enjoy with her. We've done lots of swimming with her over summer and are now enjoying taking longer walks as the weather gets cooler. She is fascinated with horses and birds. She is now standing without any support sometimes, and she's walking up and down the furniture and looking rather pleased with herself. Her sleeps during the day have become fewer and fewer, which keeps me on my toes. She also eats simply everything - many things she shouldn't, but the plus side is that she basically never refuses food. We can present her with zucchini and carrot, and she munches it down delightedly and cries when it's gone. She likes her sweet stuff though, and it's getting a lot harder to eat stuff around her without her wanting a bit of it. Recently, I was sitting cross-legged on the floor eating chocolate cake. A second later, a hand swooped out of the air and grabbed a massive handful of my cake and icing. Holly had crawled up rather quietly, stood up with the support of the armchair behind me, and positioned herself to do some looting.
It was looking horrifically dry just a week or two ago, and we were all wondering how the town water supply was going to go over winter. The local Weir was down to just 20%. Thankfully, God answered our prayers and we had nearly 100 ml in one week. Areas around us had much more, and the streams and creeks that contribute to the Weir supplied it with so much water it started overflowing. We're delighted that everything is green again and our creek and Weir are full. However, for many people (particularly not far south of us), this latest rain event has caused a lot of devastation. In one case in Sydney, an entire house floated away in the flood waters. It goes to show that it needs to rain a heck of a lot elsewhere for Chinchilla to have just enough to get through winter!
My last kayak on the local creek was beautiful. I saw seven turtles, a wedge-tailed eagle, several swamp wallabies, and lots of water fowl, all happily enjoying the water. The algae bloom has almost all gone from the surface of the water there.
In the meantime, the transition of my Fledgling Account books to Brimstone Fiction is taking longer than expected, unfortunately. I will update the links for the books on my "Store" page once the transition is more or less finalised. I'm writing other things in the meantime.
Life seems to be slowly going back to normal. Certainly this March has been a sight better than last March. I've been asked to sing at the town's Anzac Day service again. Hopefully this time all goes ahead.
Perhaps one of the most exciting things in the last term has been that my husband Michael was granted permanent residency. After a long and arduous application process and an extremely long wait, our partner visa application for him has finally paid off. Hopefully the next stop is citizenship! We were phoned by the department of immigration about Holly's status, as they were using this to help make a decision on Michael's application. The man on the phone suggested that if we applied for an Australian passport for Holly, it might help things move faster. I had just gotten myself organised enough to do this when the grant came through even before the passport had been sent to us. So now Holly has an Australian passport and really nowhere to go, as borders are still mostly shut and international travel is strongly discouraged. It's kind of weird that Holly has an Australian passport but Michael and I don't. I didn't even think of renewing Australian the last time I renewed my passport, so I got a New Zealand one. It was inconvenient in the extreme to be on a New Zealand passport when we immigrated, as every time I applied for something that Australians were able to get but New Zealanders weren't, I was challenged about my nationality. I did provide my citizenship certificate as ID, but it still messed me up every time. Anyhow, two of us are citizens of Australia and one of us is now a permanent resident. It certainly gives me a great deal of peace of mind.
I shall leave you with some pictures as always - shots I've snapped of wildlife and our family and things I've seen around in the last couple of months. Unfortunately, we've had a bit of wildlife inside. The mouse population has been intense in Chinchilla lately. I'm torn between wanting snakes to eat them all and not wanting too many snakes around!

​So, we are nearly a month into the new year! Term is about to resume, and with it will come a large amount of music-teaching related busyness. However, I do love my job, so there isn’t much to fear there. I am continuing writing and have just completed another book project which needs some good edits now. My Fledgling Account books are currently unavailable due to my publisher changing the branding on them from Burnett Young to Brimstone Fiction. Hopefully, the unavailability will be very temporary.
My husband and Holly and I were most fortunate in that we were able to go away for some time in early January, just south of the Queensland border. It was a beautiful location, and we enjoyed several lovely beach days and then a couple more days where we occupied ourselves with board games and low-key exploration of the area. It’s hard to do anything particularly adventurous with a baby. However, we still enjoyed ourselves very much, and I think Holly was enchanted by the different sights as well. She certainly ate rather a lot of sand. She is growing very well and is now pulling herself up on furniture and standing up with support. At seven months, this is rather unexpected, but one cannot get in the way of progress I suppose! We had the joy of getting her baptised recently and having some friends around to celebrate with us. She is so used to the water she didn't even blink an eyelid during the ceremony.
During the holidays, I’ve also been kayaking several times. My husband and I kayaked on one of the lakes near our Airbnb in New South Wales. I’ve also been down to the Weir a couple of times too. After one of these trips, I decided that I might get a small hard-shelled kayak just for myself to use. Michael and I used to kayak a lot together in our inflatable double kayak. This has become harder with Holly, as she doesn’t always enjoy sitting still in the kayak for a long period of time. So one day, I took the inflatable out by myself. Unfortunately, I had never blown it up when the seals were completely off before. Normally I put Holly’s life jacket on while Michael did this part. This meant I failed to put the seals on correctly before blowing it up. Anyhow, I was enjoying my kayak but decided I should start heading back so that I was on time to feed Holly back at home. As I turned around, I started to notice the front of the kayak was rising into the air, ever so slightly. Probably just the difference in weight – one person in it instead of two people and a baby, I thought to myself. I continued, but after a couple of minutes noticed with concern that the sides were beginning to fold inwards.
Strange.
I carried on a little further and then realised the back of the kayak was starting to rise too. If you’ve ever made a paper boat and accidentally squished it, you will have an accurate mental image for what the kayak was beginning to resemble. Obviously, it’s very difficult to paddle something that is slowly folding up. I did my best, now understanding properly that I was sinking. I didn’t have a life jacket on, but the water wasn’t rough, and I knew I could swim to shore. I was just worried about what might happen to my camera and car key. I decided that the best I could do would be to attain the nearest stretch of shoreline and then drag the kayak along as I walked back to the boat ramp. The trouble was, it didn’t look like I was going to reach the shoreline at all. I began to paddle more slowly, but still just as firm, so that the kayak didn’t go down too fast. I was – to my relief – able to make it to the ski run on the Weir, which was dry due to the lack of rain. Just as I got there, the kayak went completely under water. I climbed out into the mud and pulled it up.
Things were about to get more embarrassing. The good thing about the ski run was that it connected eventually to the boat ramp, so I could drive my car there and pick the kayak up. The bad thing was it meant walking back without a boat, which would look odd to anyone who had seen me depart. With any luck, no one would have seen me depart. I headed back with my paddle. When I got to my car, an entire family moved toward me.
“Where’s your boat?”
Great. “It sank.”
A general gasp of horror.
“It’s okay, I’m going to drive down and pick it up now.”
Of course, I checked it for leaks when I got home and was surprised I couldn’t find any. Surely it must have had a major hole to do that! It was Michael, of course, who discovered it was because I had put the seals on wrong. That was probably the most embarrassing moment of all. Total face palm.
Anyway, it gave me a Pirates of the Carribbean moment, coming into the shore gallantly while my boat sank underneath me. I have now purchased a small hard-shell kayak that’s easy to transport and less complicated to set up. Set up for my new kayak: carry down to water – drop in water – get in. On my last trip, I did not sink. A much better experience.
Anyhow, I shall have less time to go about sinking kayaks now that the term is about to begin. I shall leave you all with some photos to enjoy from the holidays, taken by yours truly.

Well, here it is - the obligatory New Year’s post. I almost didn’t write it, to be honest. But then I got to thinking, and I realised I have nothing major to be disappointed about. I’ve many reasons, in fact, to be happy and even proud.
I’m not into all those memes about 2020 and 2021. People saying “walk in nice and slow and don’t touch anything” or “no one is posting about 2021 being my year - y’all are scared, aren’t you?” I don’t buy into that sort of thing. I’m not one of these people damning 2020. It’s hardly as if we can blame a year, anymore than one might blame a season or April Fool’s Day. Man is responsible for the evolution of the coronavirus, and man is responsible for the response to it - the erroneous belief that we can in fact control the path of a novel disease and carve one more step in the stairway to the perfect life. 

I'm not under any pretensions, however, that 2021 will be any better from a pandemic perspective. I'm praying that there'll be significantly more common sense influencing decisions made by governing authorities. I'm hoping that people will learn that thriving in life is worth as much - well, actually, more - than plain old surviving. I'm hoping that our governments will understand this and respect people's desires to live well and be autonomous. I'm hoping medical treatments will be utilised without unnecessary politics. But who really knows?

For us, it's been a landmark sort of year for our family. Michael and I had a baby, and Holly has been a real source of joy and normality to us. There's nothing like a baby to remind you about the impracticality of social distancing rules. Holly is now nearly seven months. She is full of energy and enthusiasm for life. She crawls about and loves to feed herself bread and bun and broccoli. She's cut two teeth, and you see them often when she smiles. She loves to play games and hear music.
Michael's teaching has gone well this year, and he's done some study on the side. I taught singing, piano, and literacy extension for the best part of three terms, but took a bit over a term off on maternity leave. I also wrote three book-sized projects, which will be waiting in the wings like many of my other projects while The Fledgling Account is finished. The revisions were completed on my seventh book, so that one will be releasing soon in 2021. And then there is just one book left in that series. I signed a new publishing contract that saw my books switch companies although stay with the same figurehead. I did some performing and interestingly enough tried some recording with a new microphone my husband and I bought. I made an album for my daughter and one for family and friends. We explored northern Queensland for the first time and took a holiday with Holly to the Gold Coast later in the year. I grieved the loss of my dear Yorkie Peyton and adopted another dog, but unfortunately had to give her up when she didn't want to play second fiddle to Holly, even after four months of trying to make it work. Bella, our second dog, now lives with a lady across town, who dotes on her. I give her haircuts every six weeks, so I still see her then. We've made it through 2020 with achievements on the side and a beautiful little daughter.
There are certainly things that could have been so much better about 2020. There are wounds that still hurt. But we have been blessed despite those things, and as the song says, "I know who holds tomorrow". So I don't need to walk in real quietly and not touch things and hold my breath or whatever the memes say. There's lots that's uncertain. But I know the most important Certainty, and He controls the future.
The pictures with this post are some reminders that good things can happen even during a pandemic.
Happy New Year to you all.

This article has been supplied by Sheila Johnson, a wellness blogger who reached out to me. I love mindfulness exercises and enjoy my own Pilates and Yoga workouts at home - I think keeping physically active and limber is great for authors, who are often stuck in one position for long periods at a time - ​Y K Willemse

By Sheila Johnson

How has the coronavirus pandemic impacted your yoga practice? If you’re like many yogis, you’ve had to shift your practice from the studio to home to comply with self-isolation orders. But practicing yoga on your own isn’t always easy, especially if you’re used to following a class instructor. Luckily, you have access to several tools that can help you keep your practice going—and even take it to the next level! From beginner-friendly yoga apps to advanced props, here are some ways to get the most out of your at-home practice.
 
Seek Guidance from a Pro
 
While you may not be able to attend your regular yoga classes, you can still access guidance from professional instructors. For example, many studios introduced live virtual training sessions so you can still enjoy a one-on-one yoga experience in your own home. Personal yoga training sessions are great for beginners who don’t know where to start, but also for more experienced yogis who are looking to improve their practice. Many yoga studios have also transitioned to offer virtual classes during the pandemic. If you’re on a tight budget, look for free online classes or search for yoga channels on YouTube.
 
Invest in Tech Upgrades
 
If you’re going to be following along with instructional yoga videos or attending virtual classes, make sure you have the right tech so you can enjoy a seamless practice. Few things are more frustrating than dealing with a buffering video, laggy live stream, shoddy internet connection, or a yoga app that constantly crashes when you’re trying to flow through a sequence. This could be a great opportunity to invest in a few tech upgrades! Treat yourself to a new smartphone and consider upgrading to a faster, more reliable internet connection.
 
Create Your Own Flow
 
If you’re ready to take your practice somewhere new, try coming up with your own yoga sequence. You’re a writer, so use your creativity to your advantage! Yoga Journal recommends familiarizing yourself with a basic yoga flow template. Begin with opening poses to wake up your muscles, move through a few sun salutations to invigorate your body, and incorporate some standing poses to prepare your body for backbends, inversions, and twists. When it’s time to wind down your session, choose some calming poses such as seated meditation and corpse pose. Use these building blocks to build and shape your own practice!
 
Try a Few Props
 
Incorporating yoga props into your practice is an excellent way to take things to another level. If you’re a beginner, yoga props can help you build strength, balance, and flexibility as you learn your way around different poses. Many beginners use props as a source of support in difficult bending and reaching poses. If you consider yourself an experienced yogi, props can add an element of challenge to balance poses, and can even help you get the hang of those trickier poses that have always eluded you. Some great props to add to your at-home practice include bolsters, blocks, straps, and a yoga wheel.
 
Schedule Time for Yoga
 
Your yoga practice is one of the most important parts of your day. Practicing yoga can help you cope with pandemic-related stress, maintain your physical fitness while gyms are closed, and keep your mind healthy while you’re hunkered down at home. It’s easy to let healthy habits slip when you’re experiencing drastic changes to your daily routine, so make sure you schedule time for yoga every day. You could even use goal-setting apps to monitor your progress over time! And don’t forget that you’ll benefit from keeping your yoga space as tidy as possible; clutter can make you anxious, so be mindful of your surroundings.
 
How Yoga Can Help Writers and Others in Creative Industries
 
If you still don’t feel inspired to start a home-based practice, consider this: While yoga has physical and mental health benefits for everyone, it offers unique advantages to writers and other people who work in artistic fields. For one thing, the mindfulness component of yoga can boost your creativity, and for another, taking on a challenging variation of a pose pushes you to find a new perspective. Both of these perks can benefit your writing immediately after a yoga session, and the more you practice, the more you’ll notice them over the long term.
 
While many people (writers included!) have had to put their lives on hold during the pandemic, your yoga practice doesn’t have to take a hiatus. Enjoying a productive home yoga practice is easier than you may think! With a few simple tools, and maybe even the help of a great virtual instructor, you’ll be back on the mat in no time.
 
For more articles that can benefit writers from all walks of life, stop by Writer Sanctuary

Well, much of 2020 has passed, and it's been a very strange year indeed. I was thinking back over it the other night and recalling how it started with a trip up north for Michael and I - and then the tragic loss of our beloved little dog Peyton - then the declaration of a pandemic - and then the birth of our first child, followed by the signing of a new contract for my books, a spell of maternity leave, and then a return to work. There are some things about 2020 that I have hated and that still hurt. There are other things that I'm so grateful for. Holly, of course, is a great source of joy.

I have to admit - I'm becoming very tired of the restrictions and the ongoing panic. Can one be "over" panic? I certainly am. The mainstream news media, fueled by patrons with one set of opinions, continues to hype the importance of lock downs, social distancing, and mask wearing. But the more information I see and the more research I've done, the more I think these three measures have done a terrible amount of harm to the world. Lock downs have stripped people of human rights, healthy hobbies, jobs, and crucial family and friend get togethers that bolster mental health and make life sweet. The despair at times through the year has seemed overwhelming. Social distancing seems to me to have bred mistrust between people and put emotional distance between fellow human beings. (And who would have thought politicians would one day legislate against hugs? And hand shakes?) It depends who you ask about masks, but there is a reasonable amount of research that suggests mask wearing does not work. There is good scientific evidence that mask wearing makes the sick sicker (imagine wearing a dirty handkerchief over your face all day when you've got a bad flu, and you get the picture). And, at the risk of stating the obvious, mask wearing inhibits communication with other people and takes away hugely important parts of human interactions (facial expressions and of course smiles, which everyone needs after a year like this). The WHO recently said that lock downs do not work, and we've seen in America even in states that have religiously locked down that the virus has still spread. I'm not saying I have any solutions to the problem of Covid. But I do wish that the authorities in question would actually value quality of life as much as continued existence. Covid restrictions have taken away some things from us that are priceless. Life is not simply existence at any cost. Life involves far more than that, and truly living involves thriving. I think thriving has been difficult to do this year.
All this said, I don't want to be political here. I'm merely expressing my feelings on the matter. I'm sure I'm not the only one fed up at times. I'm sure there will be people who disagree with the above as well, and you are most entitled to do so. Freedom of opinion and speech is important.

Despite the pandemic related issues, I have continued singing and writing over the past month, and have enjoyed teaching my students again. The weather has started to sizzle here, and swimming is a must when it can be done. We have taken Holly out to swim, and she has also been kayaking with us on the Weir. We've seen some interesting wildlife recently. It's been my first time seeing large numbers of locusts. They seem to have moved on from our town now. I went over to the other side of town to photograph the bat colony that has unfortunately taken up residence in one person's backyard. As my camera was clicking, the lady who owned the property came out to speak with me. Internally, I was panicking as I thought I was about to get into trouble. But she told me: "Come in, please. You'll get much better pictures in my backyard."
So I came with her under a large umbrella (the umbrella is an important poop and urine shield when one lives with a colony of bats) and took some photographs in her backyard. She explained to me what it was like living with a bat colony, and I was amazed at her endurance. At one point, the squealing of hundreds of bats was deafening, and we had to yell to hear each other. The bats frequently argue over which branch they're roosting on, and of course, some noises in a residential area will set them off and distress them. When I saw what this lady was living through, I contacted the ABC about it and suggested they do a story on it, hoping this would enable her to get some support so that she can move the bats on. The story spread nationally, and some of my photographs made it into the article.
It was fascinating seeing the comments on Facebook. Those who commented on ABC Southern Queensland's link were mainly sympathetic, many of them being country folk who understood the reality of bat colonies. Those who commented on the national link were mainly city people, who didn't seem to understand the situation as well. I would agree that we should take care of our native animals. I wouldn't agree that just because a large and destructive colony has settled in this woman's backyard that she should pack up and go to a rest home (as some unkindly suggested)! Anyway, the bats are a continued saga in Chinchilla. While they seem endangered in cities near the coast, out in regional towns their numbers swell. It is safe to say there are often more bats in Chinchilla and surrounds than there are people.

I have heard from my publisher that my first six books will be available through Brimstone Fiction by the end of the month. Within five months from this, according to our contract, the last two books in the series will be published. And then The Fledgling Account will be complete. It seems crazy to have an end date for such a large series, but there it is. We're nearly there.

In the meantime, I wish whoever is reading this well. Stay well, try to enjoy life, and don't fall prey to the fear associated with this pandemic. This too will pass (and soon, I sincerely hope).

It truly has been an age since I last wrote, and here we are in October, and I'm nearly finished maternity leave, and Christmas is just around the corner. It's certainly crazy to think about. Part of the reason I was waiting to do an update was because I wanted to write about the next step in my publishing journey, once everything was finalised.

It has all been finalised now, and I can officially update you. My Fledgling Account series is no longer going to be published by Burnett Young Books, which is closing its doors. Instead, my books are all being shifted over to Brimstone Fiction, a publishing house that has been going a bit longer than Burnett Young and is apparently doing quite well. We now also have deadlines for the last books as well. The transition process might take as long as two months, but once that is done, my next two books (the last ones in the series) will be released within the five months after that. So The Fledgling Account series will be completed in 2021, and once that is done, it will be time for me to consider new projects.
Having an end date for the series is exciting. It will be the biggest project I've ever done in my life. I've written easily over 1,000,000 words in this series, what with all the drafts of each book, and scenes that I've written for my own benefit or edited out. The entire series once it is published will likely be approximately 800,000 words in total. This is of course the reason I used to feel stressed in uni when I had a 2000 word limit. It seemed impossible for anything to be that short!

In the meantime, things on the home front are busy as usual. I'm returning to work soon, and I've no idea how I will find that now that I'm a Mum. But I've already been a working Mum with the revisions I've had to do for my publishing company anyway. It'll just be a different sort of work.
Holly is doing excellently. She is now approximately four months old and full of smiles. This week she starts solids, and judging by today, she hasn't done too badly at all. But who knows? With a baby, tomorrow everything changes. Anyhow, she brings us great joy, and I'm very proud of my little girl.

We have been lucky enough to enjoy our holidays too. It's always a gamble in the present times, whether one can go away or not. But we were able to travel to the coast for a few days, and Holly had her first taste of the seaside and her first time in a pool. The weather was lovely, although more moderate than it is out bush. We are already getting 30 degree days, and it shan't be long before the temperature climbs back up to 37s and 39s. Holly has been kayaking with us too, in her little life jacket and togs. She seems to enjoy the pelicans and wallabies, but when she starts grizzling we paddle extra fast to get back to the car and ride home for her nap.
I'm still writing and singing and playing piano. In some ways, I feel much the way I used to before a baby. In other ways, I don't. For a start, it's much easier to get an achy back after childbirth. And breast feeding, while natural, is one of the weirdest things on earth. I miss other people, which is one of the reasons I'm looking forward to going back to work in some shape or form. 
So the holidays end and maternity leave gradually ends, and another new normal begins for us. I am looking forward to our new adventures.

​25th of July – who can believe it? Time flies when you’re having fun and learning how to keep another human being alive.
It’s been nearly seven weeks since Holly was born, but it somehow feels longer than that. I suppose that’s because having a child is such a major change. There have been numerous challenges in the past few weeks. However, I have managed to meet each one, even though sometimes I felt like I was crumbling. Holly is getting better and better at settling herself in the bassinet overnight, which makes for more sleeping. To be honest, I’m now able to sleep deeper than I have for nearly a year. The moment I fell pregnant, I struggled more with my nasal issues due to extra hormones and so on. And that meant disrupted sleep. Plus, there’s this little thing called “pregnancy insomnia”, which is about as delightful as it sounds. Towards the end of my pregnancy with Holly, my rhinitis was so bad that I would wake up every hour or forty-five minutes, struggling to breathe. So it’s a pleasure to be able to sleep deeply again, although it makes waking up to Holly’s cries even harder, because it’s like coming out of a stupor. Duh… hi… huh, hello Holly… etc.
Holly is beginning to stay up more during the day now, and that’s uniquely challenging because I have little idea how long babies this age are meant to stay up for and what we should do with her, as she’s not particularly mobile. Lots of mat time I guess. I spend time talking to her and singing to her. I’m not sure what she thinks of “agitata da due venti”, but it’s fascinating enough for her to watch me in intrigue.
When Holly was only about three weeks old, I received an editing job from my publisher for the sixth volume in The Fledgling Account. That is, it’s the sixth volume but the seventh book, because volume five got split into two. Just to keep you on your toes. You think you can count but volume six is book seven. That’s Maths in a fantasy fiction world. Needless to say, I was rather stressed at the prospect of doing revisions on something 151,000 words long (why did I write something that long? what was I thinking?). I was granted an extension but wound up doing it in the usual time anyway for two reasons – one, it’s so complicated I needed to keep my head in the game; and two, what else am I going to do for eight hours every day when I’m sitting around breast feeding? Editing one handed actually worked a whole lot better than I thought. Poor Holly might have heard me reading some of it aloud at some points to rework it. Perhaps that didn’t make for good sleeping!
So in summary, it won’t be long before my next book is released! It picks up where Consort left off. Rafen has just broken the curse that was spreading beneath his skin, slowly destroying his body. He has freed many of King Talmon’s slaves from his coal mine and stolen the Tarhian king’s best ship, in which he is voyaging to Siana to reunite with his wife and claim the throne. And then as usual, all hell breaks loose – back in Siana, Richard Patrick is planning to execute Francisco, Rafen’s twin brother. And the Lashki Mirah gets to Siana before Rafen, where he begins to poison the country, using Richard Patrick as his puppet king.
This particular book was extremely difficult to edit because there are two full battle scenes with armies clashing and aerial combat involving dragons, etc. These were incredibly complex to write, and I had already edited them several times before ever putting the book before a publisher. However, they still needed work. To be honest, the only thing that stops me working on a book is finally releasing it.
When I finished editing the book, I was very much relieved for sure. And Holly was that much older and bigger already. It’s hard to believe that she’s nearly seven weeks. An advantage of having revisions to do on a manuscript directly after her birth is that I can put her in the dedication. It’s weird – I never imagined dedicating any of The Fledgling Account books to my own child. It wasn’t that I didn’t want a kid. I just never thought I’d be blessed with one.
So that shows that life sometimes takes you places you didn’t expect in even your best dreams.

​It’s been a little while since I last wrote, and life has changed drastically for Michael and me since then. Last time, I was contemplating how soon our little addition would be here. Now Holly Margaret Deborah Bracefield is already eleven days old, and I am in the throes of new motherhood, changing more nappies than I ever have in my life and becoming acquainted with the strange vagaries of breastfeeding. Like many things in life, motherhood is a weirder experience than you might initially believe. I can’t deny I’ve had many fears about motherhood. One of my greatest fears has been that I might lose myself. To good Christian girls from the sorts of circles I grew up in, perhaps this isn’t all that relatable… or maybe it is, and you’re all keeping rather quiet about it! But I’m just coming clean – like any secular working woman out there who has enjoyed travelling and exploring and other general freedoms of the early twenties (including having a glass or two when I want), I do worry about losing “myself”. It’s a selfish concern at a time like this, but there it is. I’ve had a very successful career as a music teacher for the best part of nine years, had six fantasy fiction books published internationally, and enjoyed singing in front of audiences sometimes in the thousands. And at the moment, my achievements for the day sometimes only consist of getting through one more breast feed and emptying the nappy bin outside. Of course, I must remember that I am in fact keeping another human being alive, which is a mammoth task. And along with keeping my dog and two pot plants alive, sometimes this seems an insurmountable responsibility!
I take things a day at a time. I have exceptionally good days with little Holly, where I manage to have a sing, do some exercise, do a little writing, take her out for a walk, and play some piano. And then I have abysmal days – or at least, in my selfish mind, I think of them as abysmal; they are actually crucial days for her, because those are the days when she does nothing but breastfeed because she’s having a growth spurt. Some days I feel that I’ve managed to keep everyone, including myself, very happy, and we’ve all done things we wanted to, even the dog. Other days, I must sacrifice my own happiness for the survival of my child – and my pet. I hope to return to work in term four of this year. But at the moment, I can’t even contemplate it, because I’m still adjusting to motherhood and everything is so fresh and new. And life with a newborn, while it is often house-bound, is nonstop – even at night.
Holly actually came two weeks early. I finished working at thirty-seven weeks pregnant, with the last lesson of term being a recording for a digital singing exam. My student did well on this exam, as I discovered after Holly’s birth, and so I feel that I finished everything on a good note, no pun intended. The following week I went into early labour. I started to get Braxton Hicks contractions, sometimes as many as three every ten minutes. Labour failed to establish for several days, however. I took long walks to encourage things along, and sometimes had such a strong contraction that my leg would seize up mid-stride. My husband and I called it the “rubber leg”. I would tell him to wait for me when we were together by calling out behind him: “Rubber leg, rubber leg!” I encouraged labour along because I didn’t want to be in limbo forever. Besides which, I had the most awful pregnancy rhinitis, meaning I was waking every hour in the night even though I didn’t have a screaming child calling for me. I simply couldn’t breathe properly overnight, due to all the hormones and all the extra blood flow. So I was ready to birth, so to speak.
My midwife (and the back up midwife that I also knew) were both off at the time that I lost my waters over the weekend. This meant that the early part of labour was a “series of unfortunate events”, where doctor and midwife after doctor and midwife wrongly told me I had some sort of infection (whether in my blood or in my amniotic fluid), and they passed me around like a hot potato, without the benefit of knowing me or my medical history (or caring, it sometimes felt). I went from Chinchilla Hospital to Dalby Hospital, where I hoped to birth. But they sent me off in an ambulance to Toowoomba Hospital, despite my protests, and my water birth was cancelled because of an infection that we later discovered did not exist. By the time I got to Toowoomba, I was despairing of having a natural vaginal birth, because my labour kept stalling. I simply wasn’t at peace enough and wasn’t being given enough space to let my body do what it needed to do. This meant I was very pushy at Toowoomba Hospital, and they definitely saw my cross side. I told them exactly how I wanted to labour, told them that I wasn’t going to lie down for them or do anything like that, and was rather going to move around the room and use various positions to get labour moving again, and they could examine me how they wished if they could work around me. Thankfully, they supported me in that and commended my desire to have a vaginal birth (which I expressed in no uncertain terms). Michael backed me up every step of the way. They put me on oxytocin to get labour established – and wow, did it establish labour. I came to regard it as a form of torture by the end of the night. The first two thirds of labour I felt was very manageable. I was on the drip for nearly twelve hours, and the first eight, maybe even nine hours, were fine. I breathed through the contractions and used music, heat packs, and pictures of my favourite things to help get me through. I ate between contractions and kept my fluids intake up. Michael was with me every step of the way. But once I really started dilating, I saw the ugly face of labour. I turned down all pain-killer right till the end, thinking I could cope. But in the last hour and a half, I begged for morphine, because I was in absolute agony and could barely move. At this point, they examined me and told me they couldn’t give me morphine because I was fully dilated. This should have been a cause for rejoicing, but I was devastated for my own sake that I had left things too late for pain killer. I couldn’t even imagine what it would be like to hold my own child, so even when they kept telling me that I was about to have a “beautiful baby”, it fell on deaf ears. I stupidly didn’t expect crowning to hurt as much as it did, so I have to admit I didn’t push as hard as I should have initially, because I thought I must be tearing. In the end, the room was invaded by all these extra midwives, and they got me up on the bed for the very last stint and told me I had to push now otherwise they would do an episiotomy. This was because Holly’s heartbeat had started to drop in those last few minutes, and it was probably because I was so distressed. I finally pushed like an animal, and as I suspected, I did tear. But at that point, it really only took three or four good pushes to get her out. It was the weirdest feeling, and I was so numb with the pain afterwards that it took me fifteen minutes at least to register that I had my daughter in my arms. They told me Holly was very advanced because she cried the moment her head popped out and began to pee the moment her body was free.
So according to my official records, I’m due next Monday. But I already have the baby, and she’s eleven days old. I’m able to type all this now because she’s sleeping today – I have a good feeling about today, but tomorrow might be different. Interestingly, when I met Holly and saw how alert and healthy she was, I knew I’d made the right decision about painkiller. It was the right decision for her. But it wasn’t the right decision for me at the time. And I suppose this is the nature of parenthood. You make decisions for the good of your child, even if it puts you through agony sometimes. So I’m glad I chose the labour I did, in the end.
Anyhow, I now have an interesting few weeks ahead of me (or should I say eighteen years… lol). Michael and I are about to discover a new rhythm of life that puts Holly’s good first. I do love my girl, and I can’t wait to see her grow, even if it means very painful days of ceaseless breastfeeding. In the meantime, I will find a way of continuing writing and making music somehow – but some days in this crucial newborn stage, they’ll be on the back burner. I’m blessed though that I can write via dictation while I’m breastfeeding – and that Holly loves music, so I can sing and play for her, and it soothes her. Perhaps one day she’ll be doing artsy things of her own.
In the meantime, here are some pictures that show the craziness of our last couple of weeks. Enjoy! 

It has been an unpardonable length of time since I last wrote. What can I say except that pregnancy is hitting me hard? I had not anticipated feeling quite this tired. But I suppose one is supporting another human being inside oneself. In my fourth book, one of the main characters is pregnant throughout most of the saga, and all I can say is that it's a good thing I made her a somewhat supernatural being called a Secra, because if I hadn't I would find her feats during pregnancy unbelievable. Mine are limited to (1) getting up in the morning, (2) making the bed, (3) doing some form of exercise with remarkably less energy than I am used to, (4) teaching some students, (5) feeding and cuddling my dog, (6) having coffee, food, and naps, and having more coffee, food, and naps. And of course (7) writing. Writing I find substantially easier than music practise, because singing requires a great deal of physical energy, which I don't always have.
However, my research on hypnobirthing has taught me that the diaphragmatic breathing used with singing is actually supposed to be helpful for getting your child out eventually. So I continue to do some form of music practise too, in the hope that it will help me get this child out.
I am nearly 36 weeks as I write this. Hopefully not long to go.
In the meantime, I am 60,000 words into a new project, all about a girl in her late teens in South Australia, coming to terms with what she believes after coming from a strong conservative background. The only trouble is, I don't know swags about what South Australia is like, but it felt right as a setting for the story. If any of my readers have photos or stories about South Australia and its climate, counties, regional towns, and culture, feel free to share them. Always happy to learn more.
Of course, I intend to travel there one day, but my current situation doesn't permit great deals of movement, and all the state borders are currently closed, I believe - or most of them are. I know Queensland is stubbornly keeping her borders closed, because apparently New South Wales has cooties. Of course, I shouldn't laugh about it, but it is rather amusing how terrified everyone is of germs in the present time, when we have lived with germs and pathogens for thousands of years, and our immune systems are actually boosted by coming into contact with them in a reasonable manner.
I predicted personally that our Coronavirus cases in Australia would peak between 10,000 and 15,000 before the outbreak slowed down. It is interesting that our outbreak appears to have slowed down at 7000. But I believe that as we loosen restrictions, the inevitable second wave will occur. There is nothing we can do to stop second and third waves, because even a vaccination will not have a one hundred percent success rate. We shouldn't necessarily be terrified of second and third waves either, because they are necessary for our people to gain some sort of exposure and immune response to this new disease. The only way we will overcome the virus is by learning to fight it. It cannot be avoided. I do feel that much of the western world is behaving like a medieval town in a siege at the moment - nations shutting themselves inside and hoping the enemy will magically go away by the time they emerge. But food and work shortages, mental health and economic distress will eventually drive us out again, where we will find the enemy waiting outside our walls as before. A head-on fight is inevitable at some stage... good treatments and gradually strengthened immune systems are likely the answer.
But perhaps I just say that because I own a sword and I'm that kind of girl. I'm aware of course that I am immuno-compromised, being pregnant. And I don't know what would happen if I caught Coronavirus. But I also refuse to live in fear. Life must be lived, and it must be lived courageously. 
Thankfully, restrictions are easing somewhat around Australia, and we are beginning to move about more normally again within our states. There seem to be two categories of people responding to the easing of restrictions - those for whom it can't come soon enough, who are outside basking in the sunshine with friends and having take-out coffee; and those who are still downright petrified, moving about in surgical masks and gloves and calling obsessively for everyone to stop being so selfish and "stay home and save lives!". But before one develops deep convictions about how one should respond to easing restrictions, I would like to remind everyone that even the experts know very little about this virus and what sort of course it will take over the next five years. Many people like to say "I'm listening to the science! I'm taking my advice from the medical experts!" But at the moment, there are no true experts when it comes to Coronavirus (barring perhaps the mysterious researchers in the P4 Wuhan Lab) - there are simply those who are making educated guesses and those who are making slightly more educated guesses. But a guess remains a guess, and hard and fast policies and ways of life should not be based on hypotheses. And lastly, I always find it amusing when people cry "science!" as if it is an objective standard and the final word. Science is only as objective as those who practise it. And even in the scientific community, there are differing opinions and those with agendas. So "science" is seldom an objective standard. It is something that someone practises - a bit like singing technique or origami. Neither of these things are objective standards in themselves - their merit is dependent on who is practising them. So a healthy personal investigation of all things seems to be the prudent way forward.
Here ends my pontificating for today. I shall have to have a nap if I continue too long.

In the meantime, my seventh book in the Fledgling Account series is currently being revised and edited for publication. And for the first time in eight and a half years, I am winding down my music studio for a bit of a break while I go on maternity leave soon. It feels bizarre to be on the cusp of finishing work for over a term, but there it is. My child needs me too, and I will need to learn how to keep another human being alive.
My poor dog was violently ill a week or so ago, and I was able to nurse her back to health gradually. Hopefully I am as successful at facing trials with my child. Who knows.
I am in denial about my size being encumbering, so I have still been kayaking when I can with my husband. We were even able to see sea eagles on Chinchilla Weir again. I will include some pictures from the past couple of months with this post for your amusement.
And if you want to read something less political by me, don't forget: Rafen is cheap as chips and an eye wallopingly crazy read for those who are game.

Wow, what a year so far. If I was an American pastor right now, I'd be like: "Can I get an amen? Amen!"
Anyway, my first positive thing is that I at last have the paperback of my latest book to get published. Consort to the Shadows, Part Two - in the flesh! Feast your eyes. Ruth Germon and Tristan Fisher did an amazing job on all those covers. I love looking at my books and feeling that sense of joy that I did it, I got them published and made it through all the hard rejections. God is still good, even when times are tough.
And oh the irony. I was flicking through the book, and of course, Rafen has this terrible spreading skin disease that the Lashki has cursed him with - and it causes eventual suffocation if it's not checked. So he spends a lot of the book coughing, etc... anyway, spoiler alert, he survives and makes it through even the worst days. Not only that, but he achieves the freeing of numerous slaves and does much good along the way.
Just a little hint to those reading this blog post - this might be a good year to get some reading done. And the ebook of Rafen is still $0.99 USD as an ebook, and it doesn't mention the coronavirus once. You heard that right. You could spend some happy hours away from the media in an entirely different world and have an adventure. So for a dollar, consider enjoying an escape from this world's problems. Take a brain break, become a hero with a sword, and battle the odds. It's book one of the series, and I've never had anyone hate it properly unless they're a fantasy book burner anyway. So have a go!

Coronavirus is said to cause trouble breathing, and boy, can I feel it already. All the restrictions in place - all the social isolation - I can feel that stranglehold getting its grip firmly on Australia day by day. I did some research, and I couldn't find any information on the last time social distancing measures were used to this extent globally in response to a disease. Does that mean the disease is bad? Well, yes. But it's not as bad as other diseases that have spread across the globe before. Humanity has survived worse. So what's going on?
My honest answer is that I don't have a clue. I don't one hundred percent trust the media, and haven't for some time. Fear motivating is a common factor in times of political change. We've seen it with the War on Terror, and we've seen it with climate change. Just because someone published it in the news doesn't mean it's true. I've been in numerous news stories due to my books and not one of them was one hundred percent accurate. In fact, with most of them it would be difficult to find one 70% accurate. One of us stuffed up the information, and it wasn't me. And that's on a story that doesn't have global significance or the ability to influence mass decision making. If you had that kind of power - if I had that kind of power - what might we write?
So guys, I'm begging you in this time: do not believe every word the media says. Don't believe every dire prediction, don't take every story as gospel. They have falsely reported the "facts" on large stories before and they'll do it again. We might all be losing our jobs and our contacts in life, but there are people out there who are furthering their agendas through this. Someone will always capitalise on a disaster. I know the media, like any industry that relies heavily on the written word, has struggled to keep journalists in a job. But you can sell a lot of subscriptions through fear, for example. It's not right, but the temptation is there, and I don't think many large news corporations (and small news corporations) can resist it. Lastly, take it from a writer - I can see sensationalist story writing techniques a mile off. I studied journalism in uni too. And as a fantasy fiction author of a large series, I know when a writer is leaving space for cliffhangers and more dire predictions to keep people reading. I know how to mount the tension through words and leave people hanging. And that's precisely what the news media is doing constantly at the moment. We are not getting "just" the facts. We might not even be getting all the facts.
It looks like - thanks to our governments - that we will not have any option soon but to stay inside for the long term. And we're not getting any solid predictions on how long this might last. Because everyone is trying to preempt a disaster, we're making decisions based on fear and not one hundred percent on evidence. However, there are things we can do inside. Make music. Read books. Write books. Paint pictures. Sing. Play board games. Watch Lord of the Rings for the four hundredth time. Take up pilates or a new exercise routine. Eat lunch outside in the Queensland sunshine every day, if you're lucky enough to live here.
Of course, I have a baby due this year, mid June. I don't even know if I'll be able to birth in a hospital. I'm hoping I will but there's no guarantee of anything at the moment. Even shopping for things for my baby has become hard, because more and more shops are closing. And grocery stores frequently sell out of stuff like baby wipes, because people are out of toilet paper. Crazy times. I'll find a way to take care of my baby somehow. But this is the cost of needless panic. People lose a great deal more than their ability to breathe, due to coronavirus. People use jobs, friends, refreshing activities that are good for mental health, freedom, joy, and hope. That's the price we're paying to prevent the disease from spreading. People say: "It's just for a little while, just to flatten the curve." But we don't know how long it will be. The government isn't saying, and we have yet to see a free western country come out of complete lock down. And we don't even know if it will be effective. You can show me all the graphs in the world, but it doesn't convince me that the virus won't spread somehow. Take flies for instance. A fly lands on someone's eye, flies off, and lands on someone else. They're not going to socially distance. Our governments think they can control this, but they can't even control the movements of flies. So is it all worth the price we're paying? Take it from an immuno-compromised person - I don't think so. And if I do get sick, I'm not going to lie in a hospital bed and make a video to be shared virally on the net, blaming everyone who didn't stay home. Because that's life. Diseases spread, and we are in control of far less than we think.

So those are my thoughts on all of this so far. I'm doing my best to stay off fear mongering news sites, like the ABC, like the Daily Mail (which is often very unreliable in terms of facts anyway). I'm going to do my best to stay true to myself in all of this - keep my faith, keep writing exciting stories, and keep singing my songs. And God willing, in June I'll be singing to my dear little one, who'll be born in a time of confusion that they won't know or care about. And I hope my baby will just be able to sleep in my arms, knowing my love and feeling the peace that distance from the media and panic buyers can bring.